A Little Bit of Me

Welcome to my little bit of the web. My name is Jezzilin or you can call me by one of my many web names. Jezz, WillowWolf, or Tigger. I have been online on and off since early 1997. This is my first attempt at really writing my own webpage in html although I have known how to do it for sevearl years. I have always used it just to make slight changes to preset pages like MSN groups. At one point I was running about six MSN groups.

I have also fallen victim to the neopets craze. It was fun for a while and running a guild was quite a job but after about six months I finally relized that my computer was just to slow to play the game properly. You see my phone company does not think that it is important for them to put lines that can support DSL where I live. It would cost them too much money for not enough profit. In other words they would break even instead of making a killing. However I have finally found a solution to this with satelite internet. No phone line required.

Anyway back to me. I am a twenty-seven year old mother of two girls, who are nine and five, and one boy, who is two. My husband and I have been together for ten years but we have only been married for three years. We met in 1996, and were together only three months before he moved in with me. We bought a house together in 1999 and have lived here ever since.

I know some people have just got to know what type of computer I am on so I'll tell you. I am on an Hp which is the first really decent computer I have ever had. If you want to know more about my older computers. Check out the post in my journal titled Computer Parts R' Us. That is about as good a discription of my old computers as it gets. This is an old old post carried over from my old journal.

The Writing on the Wall

My dreams are different. My dreams come from the creative childhood my parents gave me. My parents both draw really well. My father loves to work with wood. My mother loves to cook. They both love working outside on their flower gardens, which are usually so beautifully thought out that you rarely see another that compares.

I remember at night my parents would both read before going to sleep. I always wondered why, then one night I couldn't sleep and my mom handed me a book. I can't even remember what it was now but it was not a kids book. It was a big thick novel. I think I was in maybe fifth grade. I started reading it slowly at first but before long I was so caught up in it I could barely put it down. To this day I read every night before I go to bed, but not what my parents read. My mom likes mysterys. My dad like hardcore sci-fi. I like fantasy and light sci-fi. I would estimate that I have read over six hundred novels.

So maybe it is no surprise that my dream is to be a published writer. I don't even really care if my books sell well. I just want to see something I wrote bound together by a pretty cover with my name under the title. My other big dream is for my house to stay clean for more than two seconds, but with three kids I think that is a lost cause at least for another eighteen years any way.

North & South

I live in Southern Middle Tennesee with my husband and children. The only relatives I have anywhere close are my parents. Everyone else in my family from my brothers to my third cousins live in Michigan where I was raised. When I was sixteen my father, who works for General Motors, decided that he wanted to tranfser to the Saturn plant in Spring Hill Tennessee. This was the summer before my senior year. I was really upset with my parents for a while but by the time we were actually moving I was okay with it.

Now my father is getting ready to retire and has moved with my mother to Alabama, which is not as far as Michigan, but I think I will feel abandon. If it were not for my husband and my kids I do not think I would be able to survive alone in Tennessee. I have no plans to ever return to Michigan, other than for visits, but I do miss it, ecspecially in the fall. The colors in Michigan are so vibrant. It is pretty here too, but as anyone from Michigan will tell you it just isn't the same.

The thing that shocks me most is that there really is no difference in living in Tennessee or Michigan. The way some people talk you would think it would be a totally different world. I met people here who thought Michigan was just one big city. They don't realize that it is further from one town to the next in Michigan than it is here. I guess it is only fair cause I thought I would have to live in a shack on a mountain. The acsent was hard to get used to in some people but in others it is really light. I still roll my eyes evey time I hear someone say yonder. The only real difference I have noticed in 10 years is a few words and acsent.

It still amazes me that you can grow up with the television portraying a place one way and then you see it and it is actually nothing like what you were shown on television.

Anything but Normal

All my life I have been different. Extreamly different. Not different in the way that you would notice me in a crowd. Different in the way I think. This differance has lead me to the one religion that excepts the way I think and even though we are still persecuted in even today's society nothing has made me happier than knowing that there are people that think like me. The only chance I ever get to talk with them is in chat rooms since I don't really know of any around here. These people have brought me a lot of joy over the past few years and I thank them deeply for that.

Pagan's have an uncanny way of excepting people regardless of their idea's and opinions. The only thing pagan's ask is that you not try an convert them to your way of thinking. Which is why Christians and pagans don't generally get along to well. Most Christians meet a pagan and for some reason the see evil in a religion that is extreamly beautiful. I have been in chat rooms where a Christian has been trying to convert the pagans there. They shout and call us devil worshippers. They tell us that we should walk in the light of God. That if we only have faith Jesus will show us the way. I am sorry to the Christians who read this and say, "I would never do that." The truth is some Christians, true Christians, see my religion as spiritual and beautiful. Only those who are insecure in their own choices see Paganism as wrong. 

I don't really know how Pagan's got such a bad rap but I think it is the fact that Pagan is used as an umbrella term for all religions that are not the major three. This does not work out to well though since pagan means litterally "Country Folk." A true Pagan, one that is not just thrown under the umbrella, follows an earth based religion. There are several out there and each and everyone is built on traditions from long ago before Christianity, before there was a devil, before anyone thought of Jesus.

In short, what we are is not evil, it is natural, it is a path of higher thought, it is the path of those who can't follow suit, the path of those who find fault in the bible, and if you look closely it is there in black and white.